Part of the Rebel Alliance and a Traitor

I find myself in a weird place. A place that can best be described in the text of my favorite movie. I will explain a little more before I clue you in on exactly what I mean.

On March 24th of this year (2011) I started putting the thoughts and beliefs of my mind & soul into text via this blog. I was scared, I was nervous, I was unsure of how I would be received...especially by my "closest" friends. I, like any human have a primal desire to be liked and accepted. I knew that my beliefs would not be received with an open mind...especially by the group that held me so tightly. It was not easy to open up, knowing that the people that accepted me would possibly reject me for my beliefs.

I opened up my deepest darkest thoughts. The REAL me... I put myself in a place to be heard. a place to be critiqued, weighed and measured. Not because of a rebellious spirit, not to be edgy or dangerous but because I had a new calling. There was new meaning and direction for my life. A purpose for the Kingdom that I had not yet broached.  Redefining.

I did a lot of praying and soul searching. I really had a hard time coming to terms with what I knew I was called to do. Giving new definition to old traditions/thoughts/teachings isn't a very pleasant place to be...just ask Jeremiah or Ezekiel.
 The more I thought about it the more I felt myself distanced from what I was involved in.
This is where my favorite movie comes into play.

There is a scene in Star Wars where Anakin (the "chosen one" of the Jedi's) is talking to his forbidden lover, Padme (the queen of a planet and leader in the democratic senate). The dialogue is below:

Anakin: "I think this war is destroying the principles of the Republic." 
Padmé: "Have you ever considered that we may be on the wrong side?" 
Anakin: "What do you mean?" 
Padmé: "What if the democracy we thought we were serving no longer exists, and the Republic has become the very evil we've been fighting to destroy?"

This is the "weird" place I spoke of in my opening sentence. I, like Padme realized that I had been fighting for the wrong side. 

Don't nail me to the cross yet...

I'm not special. I don't have it all figured out. I didn't receive some fantastic revelation from God that no one else had heard. I simply was shown a new way. And the more I looked at things from the other angle the more I realized that I didn't like what I was a part of...

Much like Padme I felt as if I was currently fighting on the wrong side (spiritually speaking).

I'm not calling Christian America wrong. I'm saying that it was wrong for me. I didn't and Do Not agree with the majority of what is accepted and promoted as "Christian" today.

Christian America prolly started out on the right foot. But somewhere somehow things got off track. Man usually/historically gets off track. Just read the Bible. Every man of God and every leader has taken a movement and completely messed it up. Ultimately, God steps in and things change in a BIG way.

I'm sure that the 700 club started out with the right intention. I'm sure that Benny Hinn started out with the right intentions. I'm sure that every Tel e-evangelist started out right. But somewhere in time things went awry. Whenever man gets involved in Gods plan it always gets distorted.

Let's do a quick screen shot 20 years forward on what Padme and Anakin were talking about. I'll set it up for you. A ship on a diplomatic mission is captured by the (evil) empire and Vader (Anakin) accuses Leia (his own daughter) of being a traitor of the empire.

Leia: "I'm a member of the imperial senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan." 

Darth Vader: "You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor. Take her away!"

Now, I know that seems a bit out of left field compared to Christianity but this is exactly how I have felt lately. Christian America being the empire and me being the Rebel Alliance.

I guess it's time to make a REALLY long story short...or shorter :)

I have applied new definition to old thoughts and by doing so, I have a super hard time being considered a "christian". I want the church to start acting and looking like Christ and the ways that He taught. So I'm not proposing that we teach something new. I simply want the definitions that Jesus placed on the religious to apply to today's modern church.

I consider Jesus the leader of the Rebel Alliance and therefore I am a traitor to today's empire called Christianity. May His force be with you.

WWF style

I read an article a few weeks ago that had a quote from the Genesis story about Jacob. It had been a while since I had read that story so I flipped over to Gen. 32 and read thru the chapter. Something stuck out to me that I had never seen before, possibly because I was reading it in a translation I hadn't read it in before. The verses that drop kicked me are below:

^24-25 But Jacob stayed behind by himself, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he couldn't get the best of Jacob as they wrestled, he deliberately threw Jacob's hip out of joint.
²⁸ The man said, "But no longer. Your name is no longer Jacob. From now on it's Israel (God-Wrestler); you've wrestled with God and you've come through."

Depending on the translation you are reading, there can be a variance of who exactly Jacob was wrestling. Some say he wrestled a man, some say he wrestled an angel and some say he wrestled God Himself.

regardless of the translation you read/prefer, the issue that body slammed me was in the definition of Jacob's new name, Israel.
Israel literally means "God-Wrestler".
I was locked on this thought much the same way a wrestler can lock you in a hold and you just can't escape it.

Here's my thought: God named His chosen people "God-Wrestler"
He didn't name them "loved ones" or "the best of the best" He gave them a name that best describes  what it is that He wants from us:
To wrestle with Him.

Mentally, Spiritually or physically, His desire is for us to grab onto Him and work out our issues with Him. It's how you build a relationship!
Much the same way you form relationships with people/friends/loved ones. Sometimes you just have to get work it out (Phil. 2:12)  to understand each other.

My advice to you...
Jump off the top ropes and get into it with God.

A statement instead of a question

Today is a new day. Each day when I wake I thank the Lord for the day He has given me. Today I go in for a fairly simple operation to have a biopsy done on my esophagus, my stomach and my upper intestines. Long story short- I have had stomach problems/pains going on two years now. The ulcer medicine doesn't seem to help and a diet change has only affected me slightly. So they want to take a peek inside.

I laid in bed last night unable to sleep (for many reasons) It gave me the opportunity to think about what they might find.I didn't like where my mind was taking me.

I've been asking a lot of questions lately and I think "some" are kinda fed up with the questions so I will give it a break today and make a statement instead.

God is good.

God was good yesterday, God is good today and He will still be good tomorrow. Regardless of what the Docs may or may not find inside me, I believe the above statement to be true. Not only is it true before I know the results but it will be true after I know the results. No matter what they are (good or bad).

I told my kids this morning that "You can't live your life in fear of what "MIGHT" happen". I think I'm gonna take my own advice.

Question Authority

 This rides on the coat tales of a blog posted by my brother in law: Questions are powerful

I personally learn by asking questions. I have always been a question asker (this is another one of my made up words). More importantly...I am a listener. I have a great ability to hear and learn. When I was young, I would stand close to groups of grown ups at family gatherings or parties and listen with great interest to ALL the differing points of view. I continued this practice through my teenage years and found myself welcome in conversations that other people my age weren't accepted in. I "usually" kept my mouth shut and heard each point of view before expressing my opinion and when I did open my mouth...my thoughts echoed years of listening to many opinions (If any of you know my family, you know that we are all very opinionated).

The result of this practice was again and again told to me. "You are very wise for a person your age"

In my first blog  Took The Leap I laid a foundation for my coming blogs. I said "I want to use this blog in a way to create and shape a better me and a better world through deep, meaningful conversations with questions or concerns and not with definitive stances or harsh judgement." And that sums up my learning experiences through life. All that to say, I ask questions without agenda. Well, maybe I have an agenda...but that is to better myself.

So there is my "motive/agenda" behind these last few controversial blogs.

Why am I bothering to tell you this? Because I feel a certain disdain in the answers to the questions I am asking. I'm not bashing anybody for giving me their opinion. That's what I asked for, but why am I getting answers to a different question than I asked?

The questions I am asking are not easy, hence the fact of me asking them. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.I have been told that these questions aren't bringing fruit, That they aren't helping build up anyone, That they are causing or can lead to spiritual doubt. That's simply not true. I have had countless conversations stating otherwise. It may not be on the blog for the world to see but it's happening AND I can see fruit from it. In me and others :)

I do believe that certain questions can be destructive. But there is a significant difference between questions that bring wisdom and fuller understanding than the kind of questions that simply seek to validate the world and its ways.

What are we Christians so afraid of? If you truly believe that the bible is God's word and that it's infallible and without error and it's perfect and so on and so forth. Then there is nothing to be worried about. If I can be stumped or proven wrong about the bibles perfectness then I'm believing a lie. Do I want my faith founded on lies? No.I say ask away!


I think the real fear is: if you start to doubt one tiny part of scripture, then where do you stop?